The joys of mindreading
by beckysparkles
Summary: Edward' s mind reading is a brilliant talent when he is using it to his advantage, but some times well it can have hillarius consequenses, a short little story which I hope makes you smile x
1. Chapter 1

The joys of mindreading.

**A/N So I wrote this because I'm suffering from terrible writers block, and while repeatedly banging my head in my hand this little idea crept into my brain. I hope you like it, let me know ;-) x**

**I think some of you are having trouble getting the last chapters, try going through my profile. Hope this helps xx oh and seems as I gave you this little tip, please, please review, it drives my obsession.**

EPOV

I knocked on the door, waiting impatiently for my own personal angel to open it, a huge grin plastered on my face.

And there she was, mmmm happiness flowed through me as I drank in every beautiful detail of her face. Perfect.

Until..._bloody Cullen knocking on my door every night, God I wish she would get rid of that fool, as if he deserves her, look at him standing there like a love sick puppy, it's enough to make you hurl. _Charlie.

I had to smirk at that last remark, love sick puppy is that what I was? Ignoring her father's irritated thoughts I guided Bella into the kitchen, holding her hand. But they followed me like a bad smell.

_Look at him, holding her hand, he never lets it go, I know what I would like to do with that hand, sling a pair of handcuffs round it that's what, annoying little...._

Charlie was on form tonight! Plastering my most sincere smile on my face I turned to Charlie and smiled,

'Good evening sir, how was your day?' He glared at me and grunted. Not saying a word, but his thoughts weren't quite. _My day would have been a lot better if he hadn't shown up, putting his greasy little mitts all over my daughter._

Again I had to smirk, and Bella gave me a confused little look, god I wanted to kiss her, but Charlie wouldn't like that very much, and I really should be trying to win Charlie round... And then a little part of my brain switched off, and I thought, well sod it he is never going to like me so I may as well have some fun. So I kissed her cheek gently, and heard her heart react, which turned my smirk into a full blown grin. Then there it was the torrent of silent abuse.

_That pushy little git, I'm going to kick his butt right out of my house. No wait. Don't over react. She will get mad, it's just a kiss on the cheek, that's all; he is her boyfriend it's to be expected. _But even as he was mentally checking himself I could feel his eyes boring into my back, and I just couldn't help myself, it was too much fun. My hand slid a little lower on her wais_t_ and I pulled her closer_._

_If his hand moves one more, just one more inch towards my daughter's backside..._

So I figured in for a penny in for a pound, and I kissed Bella full on the mouth, bending her slightly, Hollywood style.

_Right that is it! Where the hell is my gun, I'm gonna shoot the little prick, and kick his butt to kingdom come, the pushy little bast..._

Charlie stomped out the kitchen, gun ward. I didn't stop kissing Bella, god I loved the way she reacted to me, as if we were alone in a private place, not snogging in her father's kitchen with her irate father for an audience 

Then my phone started to ring. I could guess who it was; I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen, Alice. Smiling as Bella tried to breathe normally, I answered the phone.

'Alice.'

'Edward get home now!! Charlie is actually going to shoot you, you stupid fool!!' The line went dead; I whipped around, still holding Bella's hand, heading towards the door I called out.

'Charlie, I have a family emergency we have to go, sorry.' And I pulled Bella out the door as Charlie's very angry thoughts followed my retreating back. _Lucky for you, one more minute, and then you would have been sorry, next time I will leave my gun on when he's round and if he tries that again I will scare the little sod half to death. Kissing MY daughter like that in front of me....._

As I drove swiftly back to my place with my angel by my side, and her father's thoughts blacking my character, slowly drifting into the distance. I chuckled away to myself. Oh the joys of being a mind reader...

**A/N Okay so I hoped you liked it. Please review.**

**I just thought I would share something that happened to me the other day, I don't think anyone but another twilight nut could appreciate this. **

**My husband was talking to me about fishing (the most boring subject in the world) and I found my thoughts drifting to Edward. I looked at my hubby and started to think... Why don't you look like Edward? Why don't you sound like Edward? Why don't you sparkle like Edward? At this point I realised he had stopped talking and was waiting for a response. Having no reply (obviously) I just asked if he would like a cup of tea and left the room thinking , glad you're not a mind reader like Edward! Is this normal???? Xx **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N So this was meant to be a one shot but, this idea kept knocking on my brain, so I thought we could have a little Cullen family time. I just love Cullen family time, don't you?**

EPOV

Driving back to my house was awkward; Bella wanted an explanation for our quick departure and was more than a little worried about the aforementioned family emergency.

Time to dazzle I think, turning to stare into her deep chocolate eyes, and mustering up my most seductive voice, I began.

'Bella we had to leave, because your father was going to shoot me.' Best to get that out there I thought.

'WHAT!' She screamed.

'For kissing you.' I stated simply. 'But um I may have been winding him up just the tiniest bit, I'm really sorry Bella, forgive me?' Let the smouldering eyes commence... I watched her pupils dilate and heard her breathing grow heavier. She was just so enchanting, **would** I ever get used to the effect I had on her?

'Um of course I will, but Edward please don't do that again.' She looked at me with that earnest little way she had, that made me feel I was made of Jelly rather than marble.

'What kiss you or wind up Charlie?' I said flashing the crocked grin I knew she loved.

'You know which...' but before she could finish the sentence her phone beeped. She smiled as she read it, and then put her phone back in her pocket. Grinning at me as we arrived at my house.

Leading her inside, I went to lead Bella upstairs wanting to be alone, but Alice appeared at my side, grabbing Bella's hand.

'Just hold up there Edward, I have a dress for Bella to try on first.' She said. In her head I could see a low cut sexy little blue number, I gulped but not too hard, sure that Bella would tell Alice she didn't want to play dress up tonight.

'Okay Alice lets go.' Came Bella's surprising reply, and grabbing Alice's hand she ran off upstairs. Well that was weird; she must be more annoyed at me than I thought.

I made my way over to where Emmet and Jasper were playing a video game, both their thoughts completely involved in annihilating the zombies on the screen. Keeping my mind away from Alice's to give Bella some privacy I watched them play mindlessly.

Then I heard Bella come down the stairs and my brothers and I turned round to see what Bella was wearing.

I couldn't breathe; Bella looked so...._HOT, HOT, and HOT. _Came Emmet's thoughts. _SEXY AS HELL. _Came Jaspers. What the.. My brother's couldnt think about my Bella like that, not that I didn't agree but still.

I was attacked by their lust filled thoughts. _Check out Bella's rack, wow, I never noticed before._ Thought Emmet. _Bella's got THE hottest body! Why does she hide it in pants all the time? _Thought Jasper.

I growled I couldn't help myself.

'Watch yourself you two.' I turned menacingly, but they walked right past me, they just breezed past and walked up to Bella like I wasn't even there.

Bella did a little twirl then, to show off the dress. _Wow look at that arse!! _Both of them thought in union. That was it I was going to kick some Vampire butt!!

I crouched to spring. A snarl ripping through my chest. Just I was about to spring I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. Bella's laugh.

She was laughing, what could possibly be funny about this? Then Alice, Jasper and Emmett, joined in, I stood there perplexed as they laughed harder and harder, Bella actually had tears in her eyes.

Alice was the only one who could stop laughing long enough to say.

'That will teach you Edward Cullen for winding up poor Charlie.'

'This was a set up?' I yelled and then I SPRANG.

I missed.

Emmett and Jasper ran into the night, calling as they went.

'You really do look hot though Bella.' 

'You better run fast you idiots' I called as I started after them, listening to Bella and Alice's laughter as I ran out the door.

**A/N Hope you liked it, I just can't resist Cullen family time. :-) Read and review, because if you like it I think there may be one more little chapter involving Mike, Tyler, and Eric or maybe Edwards revenge, I've still got a few ideas swirling round in my brain.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N So another chapter has emergered, hope that you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. I know it's not deep and meaningful but it makes me smile anyway.**

Bella drove her truck to school the next day. I thought I had better give Charlie a little more time to calm before I knocked on his door again! Still it was worth it. After getting over my annoyance at my siblings, (I could never be annoyed at Bella, Alice was a bad influence,) I had the image of Bella in that breath taking dress to play over in my memory. Like I said. Worth it.

Alice left me by the Volvo, to wait for Bella's truck, I could hear it coming from half way across town, it was that loud. If only I could hear her thoughts so easily.

As she pulled into the parking lot, mine were not the only eyes to follow her; Newton's thoughts irritated me as usual. _Ah Bella, when are you going to get over that freak Cullen and realise you would be so better off with me. _The little twerp he was lucky I had such good self control.

Maybe because of the uncontrollable jealousy I had felt yesterday, I seemed more aware today than usual of the male thoughts surrounding Bella.

_Wow she is just so pretty, as if I stand a chance. _Came Eric's whine, not to bad at least he was polite and complimentary about my Bella.

As Bella approached I could hear Tyler, _Wow, she is so fine, that was an amazing dream I had about her last night. _What! I turned and glared at Tyler as he watched Bella walk towards me. He must have felt my eyes on him, because his gaze left Bella and found mine. _Jeez what is that guy's problem, every time someone looks at Bella, he looks like he wants to kill them, it's like he can read minds or something. Lucky he can't because he wouldn't like this. _Then he started picturing Bella naked.

At that moment Bella placed her hand on my arm and leaned up to kiss my cheek.

'Why do you look so scary this morning?' she asked.

'Well I think Tyler owes you his thanks, you just saved his life.' I said.

'What's that supposed to mean?' She asked again, and her little face was perplexed, my anger at Tyler evaporated as I stared into those deep brown eyes. I smiled, and her breath caught, as I explained,

'Well Tyler was thinking some very inappropriate thoughts about you, so I was just about to fly across the parking lot, drag him to the forest and stop him thinking like that ever again.'

'Um don't you think that would be a little over the top Edward?'

'NO you didn't see what he was thinking, no one should be thinking like that about you apart from me.' I watched as the blush flew up her cheeks as I said that last part.

'You are so cute when you blush.' I said and she scowled at me and blushed even deeper. Grabbing my hand she led me to class.

***

As I sat through class after class with Bella I entertained myself by watching her, wondering to myself how I ever lived before I met her. However lustful thoughts kept interrupting my day dreaming. Mike Newton again. _Bella's got a great back view, but it's not as good as the front view though, now that's a view worth looking at...._I swung round, and an unchecked growl escaped my lips.

_FREAKY. Cullen you are a complete freak. Ughh. _Mikes eyes fell back to his work.

Bella's little warm hand crept into mine and she smiled at me, so I went back to my daydreaming. But there was going to be no let up today. Just as Mike's thoughts returned to his work, Eric and Tyler's thoughts turned to Bella, and then god forbid, Mr Banners strayed there too.

This was just too much. What the hell was going on today? Was this karma? I had wound up Charlie on purpose, so the universe was getting back at me?

I leaned into Bella's ear and whispered. 'Be right back, love.' Got up and walked out of the class room and straight to my Volvo to calm down.

Alice was there waiting.

'Edward, why do I keep getting images of you slaughtering half the male population of our school?' She asked.

'I. AM. SO. JEALOUS.' I snarled. Alice let out a tinkling laugh.

'Don't worry Eddykins I have a plan.' She said grinning at me.

**A/N so what plan should the evil genius that is Alice come up with. How should we make the vile Mike Newton pay? Let me know what you think guys and gals. **

**So here is another quick confession of my obsession. (I'm a poet lol)**

**As the New moon premiere draws near I'm considering wondering around were Rob Pattison grew up, because I don't live far from there, and I keep imagining (cue faraway look in my eyes) a Notting hill moment, you know, me, rob, a spilt drink, rob shirtless..... Sorry I lost my self there for a bit. **

**Note to self: You are not a stalker; you are a married woman with two kids. Grow up....big sigh. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N So I think that this will be the last chapter, all you Mike Newton haters. Enjoy. ******

Alice held a little black bag, swinging it from her delicate fingers.

'Ok Alice I will bite, what's in the bag?' I said

'Your revenge.' She answered and I saw her plan in her head.

'Magic mushrooms! Alice you brought magic mushrooms to school, are you mad??'

_Just hold on their Edward and listen for a minute, _she thought, _It's not like I'm going to get caught is it? I would know if I was, and you deserve a little revenge on Mike and Tyler, I know how much they frustrate you, constantly pining after Bella._

Again I growled involuntary, Alice had a point, a little revenge would be nice.

'_And it won't hurt them, I can see that too. It's just a little fun.' _She thought trying to convince me to go along with the plan.

'Bella wouldn't like it.' I said knowing that she really wouldn't, as much as it annoyed me, she still saw these two guys as her friends.

Alice stood on her tip toes and stared into my eyes, tapping my nose with her tiny finger, _Bella never needs to know._

Slowly I smiled, 'what a clever little Pixie you are, when you're not being irritating, you're an evil genius!' 

_Yay let the fun begin! _Alice thought.

***

Our plan began at lunch, sitting at our usual table; I was assaulted by Mike and Tyler's thoughts about my Bella. It only strengthened my resolve to go through with this.

First for phase one. The distraction. _Its time. _Thought Alice. As she came from calculus with Bella in tow, late as always. This was my favourite part of the plan I had to admit. I stood up as usual to pull out the chair for Bella.

_What does he think he looks like? _Came Tyler's thoughts. _He thinks he is so frigging swave when really he just looks like a Pratt. _ I almost felt like letting him know that every single female in the lunch room didn't think so, they thought I was a gentleman, but why give him the tip.

Distraction time. I took the tray from Bella, placing it on the table, before she could sit down, I swept her into my arms and kissed her on her beautiful mouth, I felt the stares, I didn't stop, I heard the thoughts, I still didn't stop, the cat calls started, but I just carried on kissing Bella, hoping she wouldn't faint. _Done._ Came Alice's single thought, but now I didn't want to stop, I had pretty much forgotten I was in the lunch room at this point.

_Edward I said I'm done.....EDWARD.....EDWARD_....

Eventually I pulled away, and both Bella and I sat down to a round of applause, she was the most delectable shade of red. The distraction had worked, the mushrooms had been planted and now I just had to listen in to see when they would take effect.

It didn't take long, _wohh my head feels funny._ Thought Tyler looking around, _God I really really love my mates. I think I will tell them._

'I LOVE YOU GUYS,' Tyler practically shouted at the table.

Everyone giggled except for Mike who looked back at Tyler and said, 'I love you too man.' They were both grinning inanely at each other.

Faze two. The honey trap. Alice walked up to them both and smiled in that heartbreaking way that she usually reserved for Jasper. I almost felt a moment of remorse; the poor boys didn't stand a chance. Almost felt, but not quite.

Alice held up a finger and beckoned to the boys who followed like sheep, their thoughts swirling messily in their head. _I'm gonna get some, I'm gonna get some, _Tyler's thoughts were practically singing. Mike's thoughts weren't much better. _I always knew she liked me, always, now her boyfriend's gone off to collage she must need a little loving; well I can help with that. _Neither boy had wondered why the other boy was there.

I followed their thoughts, as Alice led them into an empty class room.

Faze three. REVENGE. I almost let out an evil laugh; it looked like Alice wasn't just a bad influence on Bella.

Mikes thoughts came through dizzily. _It's a bit weird that she wants us both to take our clothes off, but whatever everyone knows the Cullen's are freaks, this must be what she is in to. _

It was almost time for my part in this, 'I need a quick word with Alice, wait here please. Love.' Bella didn't argue to be honest I think she was still a little dazed from our last kiss. Just to make sure, I leant in and kissed her again. A bread roll hit me in the head.

'Calm down Cullen, the poor girl can't breathe,' Angela said laughing quietly. Smiling I got up and sauntered out of the lunch room, really quite pleased with myself.

Once out of site, I ran as quickly as possible to the class room, I appeared at Mike's side like a ghost.

'Stop checking out my girlfriend_ or _you will be sorry.' The menace was clear in my voice, before he had time to think, I was at Tyler's ear giving him the same warning.

_What the f**k, s**t, was that Cullen. What was that, what's going on, what the...Where has Alice gone. _There confused thoughts followed me all the way back to the lunch room.

_I feel sick, where are my clothes? Why is the room spinning? Is that an elf in the corner?_ Their thoughts got more and more confused, then the bell went, we walked to class, Alice and I giving each other conspirtal little looks all the way. The class room door opened.....

Both boys were wearing nothing but boxer shorts. Tyler was talking to an imaginary elf in the corner and Mike standing on the teachers table doing an Elvis impression.

Alice you're a genius, I thought, and I couldn't help it an evil, little laugh escaped my lips.

_The end_

**A/n Thanks to everyone who has read this, I hope you found it funny. I would love it if you review even if you thought it was terrible. By the way, magic mushrooms are a drug for all of you that asked. Xx **

**Now for one last obsession confession. Sometimes when I take stuff out the freezer I put my cold hands on my face and think, that's what Edwards hands must feel like. Once I also spent five minutes snogging my hubby after he had eaten an ice lolly, pretending he was Edward.......**

**Becky**


End file.
